In this retreat, it was surprisingly good. The
biggest mistake I made was the time I spent to think about whether I should
stay for 7 days or leave on the 4th day? Prior to the retreat, it
took me around 2 weeks to think, plan all my assignments and worry about this
or that. Even so, on my 1st full day meditation, the wondering
thoughts about whether I should stay or not, what should I do if I did stay.
(what might happen or) what if…All of this had created an enormous amount of
pressure and stress. I wrote a not to Guo Yih Fashi, after I’ve handed in the
piece of paper, I felt like there’s a relief. Yet, by next morning Fashi still
hadn’t reply me. After that, I was quite surprised that I wasn’t as frustrated
as I thought. Because that’s when I released all the wondering thoughts, the
back/forwards were all pointless, as according to Fashi, ‘You think too much’.
Thinking back, if there’s an issue bothering you, or it’s hard to draw out a
conclusion at the time being, just relax yourself, pause for a moment, and ask
yourself ‘what’s wrong? You can’t make a decision? That’s fine. Let it be, put
it aside and come back to it later.’ It might sound easy, but tell you what, at
least personally I’ve spent almost 24 hours straight to ‘put the problem aside’
and slowly to begin my 6 day retreat. =( Throughout my sittings what I would
normally think, I would often compare to my previous retreats, how well I did
in the past and how bad I’m doing now… when are we going to have the next meal?,
how yummy and nutritious the food was. Or thinking how thankful for Aunty Ting’s
super warm sleeping bag. Shirley’s tolerance with my super loud orchestra
during night time, how frustrated I was with my ‘messy mind’, my blocked nose,
and of course, what am I going to write in the sharing section. Luckily Guo Yih
Fashi has saved me. And cut through most of my vexations. Even though Aunty
Ting said I’ve been sitting quite good! Tell you what, all out of these days, I
think I’ve been at a war in ‘fighting’ against all the wondering thoughts.
Hence right now I can tell you and myself, even though this was the worst
retreat, in terms of my performance, I am very glad I did make it. Perhaps I
didn’t sit well during the retreat, but I’m here today and kick start to begin
my life as in I’m starting the 1st day of the Kindergarten =) Thank
you Aunty Agnes for ‘saving me a sit’ at this retreat. By day 4, we seem like a
big Family going on a holiday. I think I’ve fallen in love with Fashi and
everyone!
(Sandy Wong)
___________________________
At this
MOMENT
I AM SILENT
God be with
those; whom complex poem is no hardship
(Name Withheld)
___________________________
First of all I like to express my gratitude and
thanks to Fashi for allowing us to participate in the 3 day meditation retreat.
This 3-4 days retreat is rather short for me but
causes and condition does not allow me to partake in 7 day retreat.
The greatest benefit I had from this retreat is to
listen to Shifu’s lecture, in finding back the method which I lost long time
ago probably since the last retreat.
Shifu’s lecture is very clear, he often explain
something very profound and make it easily understood by layperson and very
funny too. He has explained problems that I encountered during my practice very
clearly.
The whole 3 day is a process of experience to me. I
felt tiredness and pain in my knee. In my second day, and it’s gone, today
everything is impermanence as Shifu said.
Each morning when I walked from Chan Hall to
Canteen, I often felt the joy and being fortunate to be here. On the whole, I
left this place feeling refreshing, peaceful and a clear mind.
(Name Withheld)
___________________________
I’ve come with almost no expectations as to what is
involved in a 7 day retreat. For numerous years now, the thought of coming was
actually quite scary. But I never understood why.
Maybe I thought I knew myself already. I didn’t
want other people talking me into it. “Telling” me to go the right way…
Over the past few days, I was surprised at how
happy I was to be here. It was a ‘new experience’ to be stuck in traffic in the
Blue Mountains, trying to
go somewhere I was not extremely sure I would belong.
She told me to go. But didn’t tell me I’d wake up
at 4:30am, knowing that I don’t have to worry about anything and that someone
would be there to look after basic needs and I was there to experience ‘something’.
But to not look for it.
There are so many things I thought I had let go of.
But it is a continual process, and the ‘face it, accept it, deal with it and
let go of it’ had to constantly be used. (and will be when I’m home)
Many thoughts were just what I call at home ‘my
brain is playing with me’. Until last few days, I never noticed how constant
this toying was going on. It affects everyday life in the deepest, most
subconscious level and sometimes so subtle that it comes about as ‘hey, have
you done this yet’ becoming a day’s obsession and worry.
So I came here to realize that I know little to
nothing at all about life. That is probably why I avoided it so diligently!
How many ego centered
people want to find out from themselves this?
These have been
extremely humbling few days.
After feeling I know nothing about myself, life and
everything, Shifu’s teachings just made it all seem so simple. I found myself
whole-heartedly agreeing to everything that I pushed away in the past.
Sometimes when others tell me the same words said at this retreat, I could
understand what they were saying but till now I couldn’t seem to connect with
the words they said at the time. I’m starting to work at it again.
(Name Withheld)
___________________________
Wherever the body is, the mind is there.
Whatever you are doing,
Be fully aware.
The present moment is here
New and like never before/ The method is the key/
To open this door.
The mind wants to run, play or compare
But if you let it.
Then you should Beware!
It will take down
To the pits of despair
Or around and around
Till you’re far off the ground
Lost in wondering thoughts –
Aaah – you’ve been caught!
The method is an anchor
To a ship in the sea
When the storm comes a blowing,
The mind wants to flee!
But if we can sit, stand, walk, lie down
And face the storm that’s all around
Accept it, deal with it, and let it go…
What then? Aaagh…wouldn’t you like to know!
When the mind and body are together as one,
Like the earth, all beings and the sun
There is no more chasing or running away
You will find that you’re living fully each day
In complete clarity and peace
Of the Chan way.
(Richard Clifton-Smith)
___________________________
At the beginning of the retreat I wasn’t expecting
an intense retreat like this. It’s very different to what I experienced in Nan Tien Temple
six years ago. Here, we were given rational methods on how to meditate. Our
mind and body became one (or almost became one). Every time my mind wondered
off I tried to bring it back as the Shifu instructed. I let go my concerns,
worries and baggages that belong to the past and the future. Although I do not
know how long is the present moment but this moment in time I am fulfilled with
gratitude and I feel fortunate enough to be here to experience and share the
meditation retreat with all of you. If you ask me what I’ve improved out of
this meditation retreat. I would say I’ve learned to be aware of the changes
around me as well as the changes on me. Now I don’t have to worry that when I
go home I will forget about chan or I will forget about the method. I have faith
to pick it up whenever I want and I have faith that chan is a part of my life.
Thank you
Shifu and all of you!!
With metta,
Selina. Lee
(Selina Lee)
___________________________
I would like to thank Guo Yih Fashi and Guo Xie
Fashi for the retreat. I am deeply grateful for their time and wisdom. I found
the retreat to be very challenging but also very rewarding. I experienced many
difficulties – drowsiness, leg pain and wandering thoughts – and it made me realize
how difficult it can be to truly live in the present moment. I have realized
how, up until now, I have often been caught up in my wandering thoughts about
the past and future, instead of dealing with what is really in front of me and
living in the present. The retreat has helped me to see each moment as a new
moment and to view reality as it is, without labeling and describing it in
terms of my past. I have found these teachings in particular, to be both very
profound and very liberating, and I hope to practice them with greater
consistency in my own life from now on. Overall, I have learnt a lot from this
retreat and it has inspired me to practice with greater diligence. For all
this, I will always be grateful.
(Michael Connors)
___________________________
Dear Fashi
and Everyone,
First of all, thanks so much for organizing and
make the 7 day retreat happen! It just come at a time when I experienced a
change in my life, everyday is busy from work to home, and I have stopped
meditation for a while. This retreat make me feel like a lost child finding her
mum, it is so good to practice meditation. Although like other retreats, each
sitting, I have to fight between drowsiness, wandering thoughts and leg pains,
finally I started to gain peacefulness and my mind calmed down a bit. I seem to
have lost this peacefulness for a while. In addition, Shifu’s Dharma talks are
so great!! He is so clear and direct in introducing the method of Chan
practice. Again, I am just benefit so much from his talk. His talk about Chan
is an experience, no matter whether the sitting is good or bad, just experience
it with a normal life. Life itself isn’t also an experience? Why I have to
discriminate between good and bad and intend to run away from suffering, and
become arrogant when the environment is beneficial. Everything is formed under
causes and conditions. Shifu’s teaching of ‘face it, accept it, deal with it
and leg go of it’ not only benefit our Chan practice more importantly, it is an
important attitude for us to deal with the ups and downs in daily life. In
summary, I feel so gratitude that I had attended this retreat. Thanks so much
to everyone, especially to all the DDM Fashi and volunteers, without your great
effort, this couldn’t have happened. Now the retreat comes to an end, I wish I
can continue with the practice, constantly remind myself with Shifu’s teaching,
be a better wife, better daughter and better employee.
(Teresa)
___________________________
This retreat
is a whole new experience for me as an organizer and as a participant.
It is the first time that we run a retreat in
Chinese with English translation. It is the first time that we use Shifu’s DVD
in a retreat. The first time that we have combined a 4-day retreat with a 7-day
retreat. It is also the first time that the retreat is led by female Fashis.
Honestly, it is like plunging myself into unknown
waters, as an organizer I don’t know what to expect, thus there’s no
contingency plan for what might happen. I bet you have some idea of my mind-set
coming to this retreat.
The other new experience for me is to interpret for
Fashi during the retreat as a participant. I thought to myself, how am I going
to cope with this? O.K. I said to myself, I’ll take it up as a challenge and
live in the present moment. I’ll let go and be mindful during my sitting.
Obviously it’s easier said than done!
By now you must have a pretty good idea of my mind-set
during the entire retreat! It was so difficult to calm myself down and my legs
were hurting so much! Thank goodness there were two afternoons of free
activity, so I just did walking meditation and it helped me to settle down. For
fleeting moments I managed to walk with ease and I felt light. Actually the leg
pains this time is not as excruciating as last retreat but I found it a lot
more difficult to endure. I know it’s all in my mind, I don’t have enough
determination to face it, accept it and deal with it, let alone let go of it.
In this regard, I come to understand myself better
and of my shortcomings. To my surprise, I managed to have 2 reasonably good
sittings. This is encouraging as I know that if I apply the method, I’ll be able
to do it.
I just want to thank all the participants of this
retreat, for just being there in the Chan Hall in silence. It has given me the
courage and will to repeat and generate a vow that I have not yet fulfilled.
Guo Yih Fashi, Guo Shie Fashi, Thank you for
leading this retreat. Thank you for your compassion in letting us combine this
retreat, and thank you to our volunteers.
(Agnes Chow)
___________________________
This was my first 7 day retreat and also my second
retreat as a participant. I came into this retreat with wanting to get right
into the practice with occasional thoughts about what food we will have, the
pleasure of tasting. First few days were really frustrating for me because my
body and mind didn’t agree with my instructions as much as I expected. After my
first interview with Fashi, was when I officially started working hard because
being given permission to go at my own pace during eight form moving meditation
and resting for a bit when I feel too dizzy at any stage, really helped me put
down my trying to manage my symptoms, in order to ensure that I will physically
last for the entire 7 days. And I was also deeply thankful for Fashi’s
compassion for addressing all my concerns, so that I could let go of my worries
and truly begin to practice. Next few days have been calmer and I began to live
a more mindful existence. I now feel that Chan practice is without a doubt my
life. Lastly, I am sooo sooo sooo thankful for Aunty Agnes for organizing this
retreat. Everytime we have a DDM function, Aunty Agnes works endlessly and
selflessly to ensure EVERYTHING goes smoothly so all of us can practice with no
concerns. Also, very grateful for both Fashis for training and guiding us
throughout my time here. Especially thank you to Guo yih Fashi for pushing on
despite being sick! I really enjoyed the entire retreat, it helped me gain many
insights to my ‘self’.
(Joyce Wong)
___________________________
Dear friends,
particularly my friends in the bush,
My friends, you must be aware that for the past
month, my life has been very busy ‘full on’ and really, I am not sure even at
the last minute that I am able to attend this retreat.
What a privilege and joy that I’ve made it and
listen to this, managed to complete the 7 Day retreat. Indeed, Shifu talked of
gratitude and this deep feeling of gratitude develops intensely. I’ve benefited
a lot, what are they, you may ask.
Firstly, I’ve firmed up my practice method and you
all know that I’ve been using the Tibetan style of visualizing spaciousness and
am not getting anywhere. At last, I’ve found my method of practice, yes, a
simple counting your breath. Simple, this is an understatement but I am
determined to use this and only this method. Shifu talked of ‘ren rou’ and I’ll
ren and master this method.
Secondly, I’ve now clarified a lot of the Buddhist
concepts as Shifu’s DVD’s explanation is par excellence. I am happy to lose a
limb or two to get these DVDs.
My dear friends in the bush, when I return I’ll
show you what I’ve learned and hopefully you will benefit as much as I do. you
know, Buddhism is not just a philosophy or religion, it is a WAY OF LIFE.
Cheerios,
Soo See
(Soo See Yeo)
___________________________
On the whole I found this retreat to be a very
useful and insightful process. The running and walking meditation exercises
were particularly powerful for me. The notion of what it means to let go – I
have an emotional response to letting go – it’s embedded more deeply in my
nature than I probably ever realized.
Doing service – as one of the DDM assistants also
helped me to reflect upon my nature – and experience a different side to the
retreat. The ‘insider’ perspective was very moving.
Being with this group has allowed me to experience
something very strong and yet gentle, and if I’m able to apply whatever
insight/ embodied wisdom learned in these days – I’m grateful.
The insight during meditation for me has been that
due to an inability to align myself to a deeper inner – guiding force – I have
hurt myself and many others. The process of contemplation shows me this due to
the extent of my wandering thoughts, and the content of these thoughts. Are
these memories, day-dreaming or contemplation? These moments stay, within a
mental weave – a contemplation between – yesterday, today and tomorrow.
(Maya)
___________________________
Firstly, I feel very grateful to have the
causes and conditions to participate in this 7-day retreat. The person who has initiated and contributed
most effort and thinking is none other than Agnes. I am grateful to fashis for their teachings,
in terms of speech and action, as well as the translation of shifu’s DVD. I am grateful for all conditions that have
made this event possible.
I can’t remember since when ‘being
grateful’ has become a lip service for me.
Shifu is right in his talk regarding restless minds. He said that people with such conditions have
a egoistic view that they have contributed much and have not received what they
feel they deserve. I actually feel that
I have given a lot in recent years, partly quite unwillingly or even feel that
there is no choice sometimes. Therefore
even though I have observed a change in my habit pattern of thoughts, which is
very restless, I was not able to do anything.
Actually, in this retreat, for about 98% of the time, my mind had been
in chaos and helpless was what I felt. Now, I am grateful for knowing the
wonderful and applicable Dharma which has given me a new direction to work on.
I would also like to express my gratitude
to be given the opportunity to be a volunteer for the second half of the
retreat. I really enjoyed it. There was much learning from fashi even though
she remained silent and didn’t utter a word.
In the course of volunteering, if there
were anything that I haven’t done well, please may I seek forgiveness from
fellow participants, especially that morning when everybody including myself
heard, ‘It’s 4.20am!!! Get out of bed!!!’ We all
stumbled out and had to assemble in the Chan Hall in 10 minutes. I did not knock the board for morning wake up
call as my alarm clock went out of battery.
At first I felt a little sorry but went on to tell myself that accidents
do happen and I shouldn’t blame myself too much. But then again, it is not right to blame the
battery either. I was the person in
charge and should therefore have had another clock as a backup. So, I should be responsible for causing the
chaos in the morning.
There was much learning about dharma and
this self during this retreat. As I
proceed with practice in this life, may I put it in good use in order to
benefit myself and others.
(Shirley Wong)
___________________________
Dear father and mother, 24/3/08
I am again at the concluding part of a
retreat: writing a retreat report. In
the past I have always written letters to you as my reports and this is no
exception.
This 4-day and 7-day retreat is led by Guo
Yi and Guo Jie Fashi where a group of meditators practised meditation. I am thankful for the guidance and care of
the Fashi and feel that I have learnt a precious lesson in life.
Unlike previous retreats, I am not a
full-time participant but a volunteer. I
felt more relaxed and there were a few sessions where I meditated quite
well. What I meant by ‘quite well’
refers to my feeling that time passed more quickly. Apart from that, I also felt more relaxed
when I walk as if I did not need to use any strength to support my
shoulders. Sometimes, I thought I walk a
bit in Guo Yuan Fashi’s style and I am very happy! However, that only happened at times. Most of the time, I had many thoughts.
I feel that this retreat is not quite the
same as the one conducted at the end of 2006 but can’t quite tell the difference. I think every Chan teacher has his or her own
energy field that brings about a different feeling.
Apart from this, there were also Shifu’s
teachings which were very good. I have
really learnt many methods and received guidance on applying Chan in daily
life. I am grateful to Shifu, Fashi’s,
Agnes and other participants. I hope
that those who continue with the 7-day retreat will gain ‘enlightenment’ and
those who are going home will often use Chan in their daily life.
I also wish to
share all the merits that I have accrued in this retreat to both of you.
Your son,
Fook Choon
2008
(Ricky Choi)
